the pain. the misery.

i don't know what to feel anymore. hours ago i was so happy to see bands that i only dreamt of seeing but now i'm in so much pain because i can't be with these people who all look soo good and who are all soo good in the aspect that i love the most--- music.

it was the UP Centennial Fair's last night and that was the only night i went to of the whole seven nights when bands were all over the place. it so happened that no parking was able to get a slot in the line-up so i was able to make my way through a backstage pass. at first i was really super excited with the line-up because it almost had all the bands that i wanted--- kjwan, chicosci and pupil at the very most and all i had to say to myself was, "finally! oh my fuckin' god!"

no parking went ahead of all the cool bands, we were all jumping and they were good. and then some of the good stuff started pouring in the backstage. check these peeps out:

1. armi millare of up dharma down
2. lourd de vera of radioactive sago project.
3. jeje and guitarist of giniling festival. (suuureeeee)






4. louie talan of razorback
5. myrene academia, raymund marasigan and ebe dancel (you werent looking, i hate you!)
6. miggy chavez of chicosci (he looks so good)
7. mong alcaraz of chicosci (i don't know why but i feel mong's still so sad and i feel bad for this baby, he doesn't show it but definitely he still feels like shit.)



i have so many other pictures that i might or might not upload. check www.invadersss.multiply.com just in case. i may not upload them because i feel happy and soo bad at the same time. two reasons.

1. kjwan wasn't there. after chicosci, i felt like throwing up because i was jumping and screaming my lungs out but i didn't because i knew something bigger should be up. i was actually waiting for kjwan, but they kinda blew off the thing. i hope it's nothing bad but i really felt like shit. my sister said, "walang kjwan." and she kept patting my back because she knew i was so waiting for them. and i couldn't talk, there was so much expectation. i was spacing out almost 3/4 of the time last night until we got home and i fell asleep. i felt like crying. i know it's petty and pathetic but i wanted to see them and i wanted to watch their performance for so long already. i felt deprived and repressed and sad and... i can't blame them, i don't. i still love them, whether something came up or they just decided to ditch the gig. i will be expecting a million times more now that i didn't see them to see them.

2. i am not familiar with this feeling at the pit of my stomach, i want to be close to these people not because they're famous and good looking (or partially because they are good looking. SOME! because some are not but i still want to meet them. that's my alibi. but really), but because i know their music and i like their music and even their humor and i find them really cool. it's not like the i wanna meet and marry johnny depp kind of deal but the i wanna meet kjwan and other bands and be friends with them because i wanna be good friends and that's it. it would be lovely to meet johnny depp but i don't want his recognition even if he's the god of hollywood but these people i want the recognition because i know we have things in common and that recognition and friendship with them that's not in my dreams would really make me happy. :) and everytime i see these photos, i feel bad because that's all i'm gonna get, the inside job of a camera, memories. mere that.