shit happens

death. by accident. i would imagine this is how it feels like. the world suddenly turns pitch black. your mind becomes cloudy; you're confused as hell and where you're gonna step next is a big uncertainty. but more than that big uncertainty are more and bigger uncertainties that no one-- no one can clear for you.

where am i?

what am i doing here?

what was i doing last?

who was i with again?

where's everybody?

and suddenly it hits you like a big yellow school bus (initially i was going for a non-cliche, made-up alternative but heck, there's no substitute for the real thing). and you ask, in the faintest and most clueless voice you've ever let out, AM I DEAD?

you wish and pray that no one gives you the right answer but now he comes, the hooded figure with a long, sharp and shiny toy in his bony fingers. he didn't have to have an answer because for some reason, now is the only time that everything became clear to you. the answers to your questions were pointless, the darkness around you have never been more comforting. you lie down and curl up like a baby as he comes closer.

i thought it was going to be fun. i was a daredevil. WAS.

thoughts: PARACHUTE ACCIDENT

what else CAN we do, shit happens. but this ain't one you GET OVER easily.

SHAME. big and bold.

hello lover. it's been a while. a long while.

in case you're wondering, this is what i'm doing these days. i practically own our penthouse. food, drinks, flat screen, macbook and wifi. plus the gorgeous scenery. nobody would come up here because my sisters are still in manila, my parents are in their clinics and my brother's dota-equipped computer is downstairs. so all the goof offs happen here.

it's october and i've only said 13 things since the beginning of this year to you. SHAME. where did all my musings go?

here's my theory.

i'll have you know that since med school started, i have been open to many 'real' things. not that i've lived in a world of the unreal before it, but i began to understand the processes of many 'real' things as i walked/ran its course. there, no magic can hide how a blush turns you red as a rose or how a beautiful dinner turns to.. well, the most indescribably horrid and insignificant 'poo'. the human body became all unfamiliar and mysterious to me ever since i started and considering i practically lived in one for the last 20 years, it's odd that i know so little about how it works. SHAME. if that's a headache, i also wonder about how the other beings work, and the stars and the seas. talk about feeling tiny and clueless. i wonder if there's anyone who lived and learned it all.

the truth is, however, it is impossible to know all things. it is impossible to remember all that you've read from the beginning of your course that you just have to read it all again when the dreaded 'cover-to-cover' finals comes. it is impossible to learn about several fields all at the same time, or even all in the same lifetime. SHAME. sure a lawyer can also be a doctor, or a businessman can also be a physicist and be good at both fields but you can never really put them all together and be a cybertron who knows it all. if anyone is, somebody better kill him or he'll probably come up and enslave humanity.

i have only been in medschool for roughly 4 months, i have learned so much and crammed too many things that at the point in time when i do get to lie down and get to think about nothing, all my brain wants to do is to turn itself to soup and sleep until i'd need it again. and really, it shuts down. i don't even know what day it is. i don't even know if it is the day or night even. that i'm not ashamed of.

right now, i'm a fucking bum and i'm really good at it. if it weren't for my parents telling me what i should be doing every single day, i'd probably be hired to work as a log. i'm pretty good at lying around and doing ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY nada. but since forces around me keep me from taking that job, i am certainly still a functioning.. uhm thing. i still click on the remote quite often. i climb up and down the fire exit for fun. i still cook my ramen every so often. i still surf the net for things that amaze me, aka the gorgeous gentleman from the previous post below and his band ALL TIME LOW, plus other music. and i still drive (my new car, may i add. yeah i just met him this week. awesome.) that and other things i do everyday this sembreak.

lastly, i have current obsessions namely, the music of FOSTER THE PEOPLE, PARACHUTE (especially Will Anderson), THE MAINE and ALL TIME LOW. still. and forever. they are all adorable. now i noticed, i have began to type faster less cohesive sentences. so this is where i take off and show you what i can't speak properly of anymore. i'd babble if i don't stop now. so.

P.S. i have made a twitter account. i was forced i swear. its alex_bites. so i don't forget.

P.P.S. on a very important side note, if anyone has ALEX GASKARTH's number, please please forward it to me, it's very important. i have to marry him. thank you.

this is The Maine

this is Foster The People

this is Parachute

this is Will Anderson

and this is my All Time Low

oh here's a tip, a threat, whatever you wanna see it, don't judge them because of their hair. or gay poses. i should tell you that i knew their music before i knew them. so. do the same. if you hate, there will be war. maybe. peace out.

RIGHT NOW: i'd do anything just hold you in my arms. i'd do anything just to fall asleep with you. SWAG. :)