grow up, you baby

"i'd like to make myself believe, that planet earth turns slowly, it's hard to say i'd rather sty awake when i'm asleep, cause everything is never as it seems" - OWL CITY

well it doesn't. the world. it doesn't turn slowly. sorry kid. 

it's my birthday. again. wow. has it been 19 years already? boy. i've been here 288 months dilly-dallying and approximately 6,840 days bumming around in this world but who's counting?  

anyway, happy birthday again. go do some homework. 

today's agenda: greet myself (check), listen to owl city (working on it), go to work (in a while). 

108.9 degrees over here.

more like one hundred twenty thousand degrees, damn. 

i just saw new moon last saturday. i'm back to square one. by that i meant TEAM TAYLOR ulit. i mean, have you seen him? he's frekken smoking. i knew it; i'm gonna go crazy about this for a while again. i was already anticipating this since THIS POST. 

i'm just gonna shut up before i spill my pathetic desperation hoopla. 

click here for hotter photo.

*didn't post it na, looks too sexeh for this site. :P 

TEAM JACOB. c:

happiness is a warm gun.

warm things. warm people. warm warm. gooey.  

my firo-b test results came in last week. and boy was i not the least bit surprised. as much as i don't want to talk psy, i find it interesting that this particular test really nailed it for me. before that, 

STUFF I STOLE FROM THE NET (first):   

The Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation-Behavior (FIRO-B) is a highly valid and reliable tool that assesses how an individual’s personal needs affect that person’s behavior towards other individuals.  This highly valid and reliable self-report instrument offers insight into an individual’s compatibility with other people, as well as providing insight into that person’s own individual characteristics.  

The FIRO-B measures a person’s needs for:  

1. Expressed Behavior (E) – what a person prefers to do, and how much that person wants to initiate action 

2. Wanted Behavior (W) – how much a person wants others to initiate action, and how much that person wants to be the recipient 

The instrument also measures a person’s needs for:  

1. Inclusion (I) – recognition, belonging, and participation 

2. Control (C) – influence, leading, and responsibility 

3. Affection (A) – closeness, warmth, and sensitivity 

in essence, a person has three labels in this test corresponding to his (1) expressed and wanted inclusion, (2) expressed and wanted control and (3) expressed and wanted affection. my results ranged from 0-2.  

i dont want to belong. i dont express participation. my label is loner. i dont want to lead. i express no leadership. my label is rebel. i dont want affection. i dont express affection. my label is pessimist.    

wow i really should just live in a bat cave yeah? call me crazy but really those are all kinda true. so..

p.s. the assessor said, however, that it doesn't mean i cant be high in all these, i just choose not to. 

what i was trying to say in my last entry

my friend told me he was gay 7 days ago. and if it was still 7 days ago, i would have been still in shock and this entry would have been as sucky and remotely incomprehensible (a.k.a leading nowhere) such as my last post below. 7 days ago, i was slapped in the face with news i never thought would come. it's like bird poop dropping from nowhere. **not necessary but i'm saying it anyway.

but i think i finally got over that episode so whoopdeedoo. 'now' is normal. i'm not treating him differently, i'm not acting differently around him except i try to avoid yelling out, "gaayyyy" when i see things i dont like. i normally do that but now i try to stop myself in my head when i'm with him.    

one word though. BRAVE. hands down. 

last friday, he told everyone at a party the news and boy our friends are the greatest. they had the best reactions. they understood it right then and there. 

and really, BRAVE. 

congrats.